Tools
Practical things to copy and use this week.
Visitation journal
Write an entry the same day, every visit. Facts, routine, the child's mood. No commentary about the other parent.
Each entry: date and times of pickup and return · where and with whom · meals you made · activities · sleep · health and any medicine given · calls with the other parent · anything the child said, in their own words · photos with timestamps.
Download the template (CSV)Handover checklist
- Confirm time and place in writing the day before, as a statement, not a question.
- Arrive five minutes early. Return fifteen minutes early.
- Return everything that came with the child, washed.
- If you leave your prefecture, tell the other parent where you are going before you set off.
- Send a two-line note at return: meals, bath, medicine, anything to watch.
- If a handover is refused, do not argue at the door. Write one line: "I came at the agreed time and could not meet." Tell your lawyer the same day.
Message templates
| Situation | English | Japanese |
|---|---|---|
| Confirming pickup | I will collect him at 18:00 on Friday. Dinner at mine. I will bring him back by 17:00 on Sunday. | 金曜日18時にお迎えに伺います。夕食はこちらで用意します。日曜17時までにお送りします。 |
| Acknowledging | Understood. | 承知しました。 |
| Return note | He has had dinner and a bath. The swim kit is washed. | 夕食とお風呂は済ませました。水泳用品は洗ってあります。 |
| Going further afield | Today we are going to [place] and will be back by [time]. | 本日は[場所]へ出かけ、[時刻]までに戻ります。 |
| Running late | We will be about 10 minutes late. I am sorry. | 10分ほど遅れます。申し訳ありません。 |
Questions for your lawyer
- Which of the three cases (divorce, marital expenses, visitation) are open, and what is the next deadline in each?
- What does this court usually order for visitation if mediation fails?
- Which of the other side's demands can I concede at no real cost?
- Is our visitation wording specific enough to enforce?
- What income documents will be asked for, and what should I prepare now?
- When do my journal and care history go into the file?
Glossary
| Term | Japanese | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| chotei | 調停 | Family-court mediation. Required before a divorce lawsuit. |
| chotei iin | 調停委員 | The two lay mediators who run the sessions. |
| shinpan | 審判 | Adjudication. The judge decides when mediation fails. |
| kon'in hiyo | 婚姻費用 | Marital expenses: support paid while still married. |
| yoikuhi | 養育費 | Child support after divorce. |
| menkai koryu / oyako koryu | 面会交流・親子交流 | Visitation, or parent-child contact. |
| shinken | 親権 | Parental authority, usually translated as custody. |
| chosakan | 調査官 | Court investigator who interviews parents and children. |
| shucho shomen | 主張書面 | A written brief. |
| riko kankoku | 履行勧告 | Court reminder to comply with an agreement. |
| kansetsu kyosei | 間接強制 | Payment ordered for each breach of an order. |
If tonight is a bad night
Most fathers in this process have a night when it feels pointless. Do not message your spouse, your lawyer or anyone at the court tonight. Talk to a person instead. In Japan: TELL Lifeline (English) 03-5774-0992, Yorisoi Hotline 0120-279-338 (press 2 for other languages). Decide tomorrow.